“When you try to give your friend advice…”
I’ve been single since the beginning of time. I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve been in a real serious relationship where I was claiming someone as my boyfriend. I’ve had different “ships” (cc: my previous post about the different type of relationships), some that have evolved and had the potential to grow into a relationship but for reasons didn’t. So you would think I wouldn’t be a valid source for giving other females relationship advice right? I would have no idea what I’m talking about because I haven’t experienced the trials and tribulations of modern day relationships. Well to the reader who thinks all that is correct, I’d like to inform you that you are so very wrong reader 🙂
There are 3 types of friendships a person in a relationship can have. I think often times most people just fuse them as one. They think a single girl is a single girl, there’s nothing else to it. But when you really sit and think about your friendships with single people, really ponder the advice they’ve given you through the course of your relationship- I’m sure you’ll see there’s different types of single friends. This also goes for guys too (FYI: the roles talked about in this post are interchangeable with gender).
The Hating A** Single friend
You don’t have to be in a relationship to have hating friends, some of us can always have snakes in our grass and it goes right over our heads (no weird sexual pun intended in that sentence…it came out weird lol) People never want to congratulate you on your success, but remind you how you messed up. They secretly pray and wait for your demise. But have you ever had a friend that when you ask them “what should I do after a fight with my partner”, or “should you ask your partner about the number that keeps calling their phone”, or how you should tell your partner that your upset with something they did, that friends answer is always “leave them, they ain’t good for you anyway”. Or if your just happy and comfortable in your relationship, and you wanna tell them about the good going on with you and your partner, your friend is quick to bring up that time your partner messed up, or how they’re bound to do it again. That is really just a hater. A hating a** bitter single friend. You wanna know their favorite part of your relationship? When you’re down and out and they can sit and continue to push you even further underground. And there can be a lot of reasons for them doing that. They’re jealous, they’re tired of being alone, or they really just can’t stand when you feel like your in a good space, and you’re sharing that good space with the person you feel is right for you to share it with. Jealousy is a crazy thing. Sometimes it’s hard to see when someone is jealous of you, because green is not a cute color when it’s on your face, so that obvious form of envy is regularly hidden. Which flows right into their bitterness and being tired having no one for themselves. So them feeling like you always have someone to provide you happiness secretly provides them hell. So they try to push their personal hell into your happiness, so you’re sitting right in the same salty boat they’re riding in. Kicking your one fish out your pond, and now you’re helping BitterBrittney row in the big sea- now miserably looking for fish together. And your miserableness now makes them happy…..no shock value there.
Not everyone has that friend. But a lot people think they do. And a lot of people mistake their real friends for the shady hating ones. When that isn’t really the case at all. There’s another type of single friend that doesn’t get the credit they actually should.
The supportive single friend
This should be obvious to tell. A friend who actually cares about you and your well-being with the state you’re in with your relationship. It can go both ways. To keep you happy and comfortable in your mindset or situations, your friend will always reassure you that things will work out no matter what (even if they don’t fully believe that). Because they’re your friend and they care for you, they don’t want to see you at your lows. They also don’t want to sell you false hope though. They sometimes sugar coat their words and try to be as gentle with you as possible when giving you advice. If things do go wrong in your relationship, don’t go back and take your anger out on your friend. They really said all they did just to keep you content. And you probably wonder well why wouldn’t you just tell me the truth? Probably because if they did tell you un-sugar coated advice you’d see them as not supporting you, not understanding you, or as a hating a** friend. But if you have a single friend who’s always there for you, always giving you what you need advice wise, and always lending you an ear when you need to vent- don’t you ever wonder if this friend gets bothered by all that? And that brings me to the last kind of single friend you can have.
The Brutally honest Single Friend
It’s not necessarily that this friend doesn’t care about you and your relationship and giving you advice… But they’re really sick of hearing it all. Especially if they’re hearing it time and time again. They tried the sugar coating, they tried to be gentle. They really tried to be your cheerleader and be on your side. But when it’s clear that you aren’t listening to them- And you aren’t taking their advice- And your dismissing everything they say about your relationship or situation(ship), they’re really just done. Their just gonna tell you how it is, and how they see it, regardless of how you feel anymore. They understand your going through stuff and you need a shoulder to lean on, but damn!
I feel like single people aren’t treated the same or fairly. Like just cause they aren’t in relationships, people in relationships either take them for granted, think they don’t know what their talking about, or like they’re out to get them, and that’s not the damn case. I can testify from this, personally. People feel as though because I’m not in a relationship I’m a hating a** b****. Or that my advice isn’t valid or smart. One my best friends has never even been in a relationship of her 21 years of living and she’s given some of the best relationship advise I’ve ever heard someone give. Why? Because she sees things more clearly. Not to say she hasn’t “talked to” or causally dated people, she has. But she also has learned and seen other peoples relationships, where they flourish and where they fail, and that she’ll never allow herself to be there, so she’ll take her time getting into relationships. Same with myself.
And that’s where me and her really click. I think the reason why I haven’t been and might not be in anything serious soon is because I refuse to put myself in certain situations. Relationships should be an enhancement to your life, not all your life. I’ve seen too many people make their relationships their lives, they take their partners life on as their own. And I’m sorry that can never be me. Maybe just because I have the type of personality where I always make myself number one, and I won’t put a man before my own needs. There have been times where I’ve been in situations like that and I told myself never again. And like I always say “I say what I mean and mean what I say.” I refuse to settle for less than, or have anyone treat me any type of way. If I’m in something I’m in it forever. And forever is a HELL of a commitment, and honestly that scares me. I can’t imagine being committed to a f*ck boy for the rest of my life! I’ve seen too many males and females I love get drug through the mud by people who are supposed to love them unconditionally. And I’ve played both the supportive single friend, and the brutally honest single friend. And usually the only time I become the brutally honest single friend, is because I’m sick of being the supportive single friend over and over again. You don’t have to listen to me try and support you, but I’m gonna let you have it after the first dozens of times you come back to me asking about stuff I feel like I already told you. And lately I just feel like I’m always the brutally honest friend who is just looked at like I’m the meany pants. I’m not the meany pants, I’m Just a concerned friend who sees that the nice stuff isn’t getting to you so I’m just gonna try and be 100 with you.
(This post was inspired by the Youtube-Guru SoulQueenWu! I didn’t watch her video before I wrote this post, but I made sure I watched it after I finished writing since she inspired the topic. I’ve been watching her Youtube videos, and following her on Instagram for almost a year now. Shes extremely inspirational, and deeply spiritual. I relate to her on so many levels, and love her points of view. Her video is deff. worth the watch. She touches topics that I spoke about, but also gives great single girl relationship advice. Thank you for inspiring this post and also inspiring me to blog, and get my ideas and opinions out there of the world to agree an disagree with. All love on this side for you, and i hope its well received! )