Before anyone jumps down my throat this is a NO CHILL ZONE aka I can say whatever I want unfiltered however I’m feeling at any point I want to. With that being said this is also a no judging zone, because I learned judging can hurt feelings and hurt feelings lead to hurt people and hurt people lead to hurt lives and hurt lives lead to precious hours of lives lost due to worrying about what other people think of you. With THAT being said this, this is a blog, it’s on a computer or a mobile device that you can so easily leave the page or turn off if you don’t want to read 🙂 and with all THAT discretion being told, let the story unfold….cue twilight zone music
This is probably the most personal thing I’m going to post. I wanted to save it till last when I get the true courage to write about it, but why not just throw it out there now! Release all the demons and skeletons out my closet to move forward and continue on with a positive year so I can do me and be a better me. With that being yes, I can answer my own question. I’ve been in love with someone who is in a relationship.
Ok blog post over, the end.
No lol jk.
But in all seriousness it is true. I’m obviously not going to say any names for the sake of them, their girlfriend (or boyfriend…mhmm) and for the sake of my freaking dignity lmao, but I doubt they’re reading this anyways so it doesn’t matter. And for those who think they know me so well that they think they know who this post is about and they really don’t- Only ONE person knows who I’m talking about (because I tell them everything and they’re the only person I told about this guy period). All other guesses will not be verified by me, sorry not sorry.
The person this is about I’ve known for some time now, but the crazy thing is we don’t really know each other. We know each other but we DONT know each other, ya know? Hard to explain. I’m the type of person I love fast, I love easy, I love hard. I’m always falling in love with shit. Shoes, bag, weave, a book (not really), a movie, gum, the t-shirt bra at Victoria’s Secret, I fall in love so fast! So imagine how I am with people. Needless to say though, I take EXTRA caution with my heart.
Since this male and I know each other but don’t know each other I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the idea of him that I love, and not actually him. So dont take my words so literal, I DONT ACTUALLY LOVE HIM! But yes he is in a relationship, and when I met him no he wasn’t in a relationship (usually that’s my luck with males. They’re either secretly in relationships and don’t tell me or acquire them after we meet). Needless to say we stopped talking, right? Wrong. And now you’re thinking I’m a heaux(hoe) because I’m messing with someone who’s in a relationship. Wrong again. I don’t believe in home wrecking because the same way you GOT your man you can LOSE him that way too. If he cheats on her with you, what you think he’s gonna do with the next chick? But we did remain cordial friends and not by choice by my crazy ass. When I fall for something or someone I fall hard and I will stop at nothing until I’m getting what I want from it. This t-shirt bra from VS is gonna stay one of my main joints till I’m 65 and it’s holding on to the last hook, and then when that breaks I’m tying it around my back. I kept pushing for the friendship and interactions with him because I thought I want and I can handle a friendship.
And of course who wouldn’t think this- that there would be some light at the end of the tunnel. That a bus would magically fall out of the sky and fall on her (yes not drive and hit her) fall on her with her ugly little witch feet hanging out and I can have those ruby slippers aka her man. And by the way she’s not ugly. She’s like regular sandwich bread and I’m warm, fresh out the oven, ouey-goey banana bread mmhmmm…extra nuts (no crazy jokes please). But me hoping that I still had a chance was me pushing myself into a corner I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out of, and honestly me being and acting stupidly in denial. And I knew I was in denial. Well I was like 60 percent in denial, the other 40% was real hope, hope I wasn’t killing my own feelings. Needless to say I continued this barely-there friendship digging myself into a weird emotional hole I couldn’t dig myself out of it. It was like paddling my row boat into the mouth of a whale, but sitting backwards so I don’t actually see myself going in, *PAUSE- that was a weird sentence.
Why am I writing about this? Because someone I know is also in love with someone who’s in a relationship, and because I know I was hurting myself deeply, I know they are too. The person and I don’t have the same astrological sign but we do have a lot of the same characteristics and qualities about ourselves (yes I do believe some portion of astrology is true). I know that when they love, they love hard and they’re super passionate. They try to conceal true emotions with laughter and play which on the outside for the world works very well, but for people who do know them know the real inner personality they have and can know they have sensitive spots and moments for things. I don’t know they’re full situation because I’m hearing it from 2 other sources but I don’t need to hear it from the main source itself because I can already read them and how they’re feeling right now. I commend them for letting it be known how they felt to the person they love because it’s SO hard to tell someone who isn’t emotionally invested in you that you want to be emotionally invested in them with a mutual feeling. I still to this day cannot and will not tell the person that I was super into that I have feelings for them because then my denial comes full blown to the light, and I have to face it- eat it- and it would be so sour and bitter and that I’d pass out. It takes real guts to do that so kudos to you. The only thing about that is once you tell your feelings- and this goes not only to the person I’m writing about (if you happen to stumble upon this and read it) this goes for anyone in this situation; if you tell them how you feel and the fairy tale of them leaving their other half for you doesn’t work out, than drop it there. It’s hard to quit things cold turkey, (ask someone who smokes cigarettes, it’s hard to quit in one day) but if you quit it right there and then you’re so much better off if you decide to continue on and keep Perusing something that you now know really has less of a chance of happening. If the person you admitted the love to isn’t flattered or want you back than chances are option B. is that they’re going to be creeped the hell out and want to push you as far back as they can. So to prevent you from looking cray fall back…all the way back…like completely off…end it. And not your life! Don’t end your life because it will continue on, but end the hurt your about to put yourself through. Because if you keep pushing and pushing for them to like you back they’re going to keep pushing you away and you’re going to keep pushing yourself into hurt feelings which is stupid when you can just chill regroup and move on. Now if you can handle the friendship part of it, then ok try it out. But if you can’t don’t be dumb and quit while you’re ahead. Also make sure that they’re down for the friendship too. If they say let’s be friends keep it at friends. But just know that you guys most likely won’t be best friends you’ll be cool, cordial. See each other out “hey you what’s up! How you doing? Ok cool bye” you won’t be best friends with them. And chilling with them just might not be an option. So take the cordial friendship and run with it, cause you could either have that type of friendship or just have none.
This is where the person your into comes into play. If you are in a relationship with someone and you know someone else has feelings for you because they told you, address the situation right then and there before it blows up in your partner’s face, the person who likes you face, and your own damn grill. If you in fact like them back you better do some damage control and quick. Don’t cheat and don’t lie. Someone people get away with it but not most, so you can’t have your cake and be eating another on the side. You need to work something out there. If you don’t like the person back then please just tell them. Right then and there. Don’t drag the poor soul through the mud having them think one thing and it’s really not that. Shut it down if you don’t want it and let it be that, shut down and done for you in the emotional department. If the person asks “can we be friends?” Let them know what kind of friendship is gonna come from this. DONT ENTERTAIN ANYONE YOU KNOW YOU DONT WANT TO GIVE YOUR REAL TIME TO. I can’t stress that sh*t enough. If you really don’t wanna fuck with them like that let it be known before it gets out of hand and you’re looking like an ass. You might look mean saying you don’t wanna be friends with them or it’s just a hi bye thing nothing more, but you’ll look even WORSE if you keep playing them having them thinking they can hit you up to go to a party together or have one on one chill sessions and you’re like “no cause I don’t even bang with you like that.” Just clear the air and their ear of anything that isn’t going to happen on your end.
For the partner who finds out that someone else is into what’s already yours, don’t flip out. Don’t go cray. Don’t get out of your character. Of if your character is to go cray then chill the hell out. Take it as a compliment that your partner is desired by others, you won you a trophy *future voice* (I actually don’t like that song, or term “trophy wife/husband”). In all honesty this issue doesn’t really have anything to do with you on behalf of the other person; you can’t change how the other person feels, but you can give your honest input and share how you really feel with your partner. You can drop little hints that you and “bae” are here to stay so sorry to the others who want them but can’t have them- but leave the person alone and let them look crazy to you all on their own. And btw, if it’s your style, you can drop a hint on social media cause chances are if you have those platforms the other person has or does check to see if you post anything about your partner, crazy right! We are a nosey ass generation, we all up in each other’s social media lives lol. Post a pic like “me and the only one that matters” they gonna be like, dammmn! I will say though, if the person gets disrespectful, or out of pocket when it comes to YOU and your relationship with your partner, step to them individually one on one (hopefully privately and respectfully although they’re getting a little cray) and be like I’m sorry but bae is with me and you gotta chill. Hope fully bae really is with you though and not feeding you or other person lies so you’re looking all confused and stupid. Hence why you should talk to your partner about the situation at hand before it’s addressed. Don’t embarrass the other person, because if your partner shuts it down correctly then they’ll already feel a little sore about the shut-down, the extra sting isn’t needed. Then you and bae can move on and live happily ever after. Unless the other person gets REALLY cray and tries to kill you by driving into you with a bus. Call the police.
And remember I said I wanted a bus to fall on homegirl. I wasn’t going to run her over so don’t call the cops on me lol.
It’s weird because the only way I feel comfortable writing this and sharing it with the world is by making small jokes here and there through it. I thought I wouldn’t be able to share this story with anyone cause it’s lowkey embarrassing and weird that I liked someone who wasn’t available to me. My best friend (A.E-H, #number 1 [half] Asian persuasion convinced me to write this and let it all out. love you <3!) And don’t think just cause I liked someone in a relationship doesn’t mean that I don’t get “play”. Not to sound cocky or gross but I get niggas I just don’t give them any time of day cause they’re just not what I’m looking for at that moment. I think the reason why I was so in love with the thought of this person is because they’re everything I want or think I want in a male right now. Their swag somewhat swag (cause they’re closet wasn’t too up there, but the way he carries himself is A+), the little bit of personality I knew, their lifestyle, was all what I wanted. But obviously it wasn’t meant to be so I had to chuck the deuces to the situation and keep it moving. The guy and I are “friends” now. We’re cordial. I wanted different from that so I pushed it and didn’t get it so I fell back, by myself and because he subliminally pushed me there. It’s gonna be hard for me (it was even worse when I quit cold turkey) because he’s actually about to be a lot of places I can potentially be in, but knowing that I’m saving myself and my feelings I know that I’ll be ok. And I wish him nothing but good luck and success in his life (and because he obviously loves his girl I wish them luck, and no flying busses). And I think ultimately what people forget. That it is ok. That you do on and things get better. Remember the saying that there’s plenty of fish in the sea? Sometimes when you bait up and try and go find the fish they won’t bite back at all. But when you sit back and relax and you chill, a little fishy comes to give you a nibble. That’s how I met the guy I’m writing about in the first place, he came and nibble my line *PAUSE, that was another weird sentence.
Now why did the line snap and she swim away to another hook, idk. But I’m gonna recast a new one, sit back, and chill.
(Side-note: I’m actually not interested in finding anyone right now, or dating. I’m really just chilling and doing me, and it might just be like that for a while. I’m not interested in being interested in anyone.)